22 years ago today a baby was born who would grow into a beautiful young woman. This woman is my daughter Abigail (Abby). Her name means source of joy and she has been just that in our lives. She has had quite the amazing year; click here, here, here and here to read about some of the events in her life. I have asked Abby to write the rest of the entry for her birthday. I wanted you to hear from her just how she is doing and how God is working. Happy 22nd Birthday Abby!!
Last year for my birthday my fiancé (who is now my husband) got me a necklace that is a cross made of sterling silver, with the outline of a gold heart with a small diamond in the middle. I immediately fell in love with it because it was beautiful and simple and because it came from the man I love. After I took off the necklace that night I noticed there were words inscribed on the back. It was the simple phrase “Live by faith, one day at at time.” This made me love the necklace even more but at the time I had no idea how much that simple phrase would come into play over the next year.
As I sit here and write this I think back on the 21st year of my life. This past year of my life was quite eventful. There were so many changes, some wonderful, others more challenging but in the midst of the changes God has brought me back to the simple phrase that is on the back of my cross necklace. In the midst of a stressful year of school, during wedding planning, while spending time in Haiti this summer, working through the challenges of being newly weds, in all of it God has brought be back to the phrase, “Live by faith, one day at a time.” This has become increasingly more difficult but essential the past few months.
On October 16th we found out that after 11 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy, our baby was not alive anymore. We would not be meeting our child on this side of heaven. To be honest, this was devastating to me. My husband and I decided to name our child Faith which fits perfectly because losing Faith has truly tested me trust and faith in God. I hate that as I write this she is not still growing inside me. I hate that I will never get to meet her on earth. I hate that her Dad never got to see her or know her. But I rest in knowing that she is spending this Christmas in heaven with Jesus. And although it hurts more than I can say in words, I still choose to live by faith, one day at a time.
I never thought that on my 22nd birthday I would be where I am at. I never would have imagined this past year unfolding how it did. To be honest I haven't always felt like trusting God. And there have been times that I have been quite angry with Him. But something my husband said really encouraged me. He said that we don't always feel like loving God but we still choose to because we have made a commitment to him. He then compared it to marriage. We don't always feel the most loving towards our spouse but we still choose to love them because of the commitment we have made to them. That pretty much explains how my relationship with God has been. I have not felt the most loving feelings towards Him, but I know that regardless of how I feel, I will still choose to love Him and choose to trust Him because He is God and I know He is good. There have been many moments filled with tears and heartache but God has been there in the midst of it all. I know that he is slowly healing my heart. I'm not there yet, but I just continue to live by faith, one day at a time.
This a song that has meant a lot to Abby and Josh this year.
On The Things I Ponder Facebook page is the song Abby wrote for Faith.